A quarter of a million sets of cremated ashes are now removed annually from crematoria in the uk, involving survivors of the deceased in a series of decision-making processes for these remains. This change in practice has escalated over the past decade within a legislative regime that places few, if any, restrictions on the movement and placement of ashes. Issues concerning new ritual practice in a secular society have been the focus of ethnographic research among professionals and bereaved individuals and families, in four regional uk locations. Consideration is given here to what may be « optional rites » marking the emergence of new ritual processes. We argue that in imaginatively re-inventing the sites of ash disposal, survivors have sought to establish « lived spaces » which transcend institutional conceptions of spatial allocations for the dead. The emergence of individual – often private – practices around ashes suggests materially-engaged desires to connect with these remains and to transform institutional conceptions of spaces and places for the dead into « lived » spaces that can engender environments for memorialisation.